Living in a House
This is the first session of our Risus "Living in a House" game. BillionSix is the GM, for characters we have a Nun with a demon possessed thumb kept in check with Holy Nail Varnish, a Surfing Yeti, and a Necromancer obsessed with creating pets (played by yours truly).
Abner is a huge Yeti, who likes to surf, and has a Dennis Hopper voice.
Sister Crossick is a very nun-like nun.
Leon dresses in all black, reanimates dead cats, and cooks for the house.
There's also an Ex-Stripper, but as she's the GM's character, she's not made an appearance.
In this session, we were just going to get comfortable with our characters, but it turned out so funny that I had to post it. Enjoy!
Oh, and if you're easily offended, please leave now. The following contains potty humor and nothing is sacred. You have been warned.
We played over OpenRPG, a free chat client on steroids made especially for gamers.
** (2378) Leon Tzernobog stays in his room a lot with his dead cat skeletons and plays Pink Floyd. **
(2376) BillionSix: Okay, we have a necromancer, a yeti and a nun. The porn star is away for a little while, visiting a sci-fi con.
(2378) Leon: (I assume we're all more or less at ease with each other's weirdness?)
(2376) BillionSix: Yeah, you guys have been living here long enough to get used to each other. :)
(2376) BillionSix: Rich, you know you can change your name by typing /nick then your character's name. :)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: No one is safe when Abner is eating 7-11 burritos.
** Leon is in the kitchen, cooking something horrible. Probably burritos. **
(2381) rich: yeah I got that one....
** Leon eyes the chicken for the burritos thoughtfully. **
(2376) BillionSix: A vaguely burrito-like smell fills the house.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Are we beginning?)
(2376) BillionSix: Sure. :)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti waxes his board. **
(2378) Leon: A skeletal cat rubs Leon's leg.
** (2381) Sister Crossick hums a lovely soothing tune **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti realizes that both of those statements can be taken in multiple ways. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Dinner ready yeti?"
(2378) Leon: "Well, almost. You want the chicken extra rare?"
** Leon absentmindedly shakes pepper over the skillet. **
** Leon drops a piece of wriggling chicken on the floor for the cat. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Depends. Is it Cajun?"
(2378) Leon: "I got some cajun spice. LaRue (that's the cat) likes it extra rare."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Are you feeding your cats again? They're DEAD. They don't eat."
(2378) Leon: "They like to pretend."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Repeat: They're DEAD."
(2378) Leon: The cat gobbles up the wriggling chicken, which promptly falls on the floor from it's ribcage.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "At least they have a fulfilling fantasy life."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "I'm not cleaning that up."
** Leon picks up the chicken from the floor, hands it to LaRue, and the process repeats. **
(2376) BillionSix: The mail arrives. The Weekly World News, which you somehow got a subscription to, claims that Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin has somehow come to earth, and is spreading badness.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Now just because an animal doesn't happen to be among the living, doesnt mean that it doesn't deserve care and attention; like any of God (or Satans) creatures."
(2378) Leon: "See? She's on my side."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "At least it doesn't shed."
** Leon glances at the paper while putting the skillet on the table. **
(2376) BillionSix: You notice that there is a U-Haul next door. The next door house has been vacant for a while, and must have been sold.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Look, just teach it that my leg is not a scratching post."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Maybe the new neighbors will have a dog. We can kidnap it at dinnertime and let it clean up the kitchen floor."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "My! Some newcomers to the neighbourhood! We ought to invit them over for tea!"
(2378) Leon: "Aw, great. We're probably getting more neighbors. I hope they're not as whiny as the Sawyers. They're probably still mad about their dog. But at least he won't die from getting run over now."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Maybe they have a lawnmower, or some board wax, we can borrow. I hope it's not the monkeynauts. I HATE those guys."
(2376) BillionSix: The new neighbor, who you haven't gotten a good look at yet, seems to be emptying out all his bags, boxes and beer cans, and then chucking them over the fence into your yard.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Oh I say!"
(2378) Leon: "Isn't that the garbage we threw over there last week? Who does this clown think he is?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Throw it back. Hey, maybe it's some weird tradition. Human society is strange. I was watching cable the other day and HGTV had a special on Nebraskan cannibals."
(2376) BillionSix: The beer cans, of course, are all cheap american beer.
(2376) BillionSix: You hear music blasting. It sounds like Lynyrd Skynnird.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "And there wasn't even any at the bottom. They're probably rude."
(2378) Leon: (ARRRGH! Not Budweiser!)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Probably Schlitz or Pabst.)
(2376) BillionSix: It's Milwaukee's Best.
(2378) Leon: (YECCH!)
(2381) Sister Crossick: "When will people learn the path to god is through filthy drum and bass? *tut* Honestly!"
(2376) BillionSix: Whatever the quality, it is one of the most inexpensive beers.
(2378) Leon: "That's not our beer cans, then."
(2378) Leon: "You think they'll start shooting soon?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "They shoot, I fart."
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti tests the wax on his board. "Good. Ready for the tasty waves." **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Anyone seen the neighbors?"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I think we should greet them."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Maybe they have a really big, hairy daughter," says Abner hopefully.
(2378) Leon: "With what, a rusted Chevy?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Ooh, hairy in a Chevy!"
(2378) Leon: "Look, if you're into bony and skinny and so goth they're dead, and I mean really dead, I'm going cruising for chicks later."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Uh, no thanks, man. Some other time."
** (2381) Sister Crossick stands by the open front door tapping foot **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Come on boys"
(2378) Leon: "Sister, can you see a dog?"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Say hello to the nice new people"
(2378) Leon: "Come on, LaRue, let's go see the rednecks."
** LaRue dutifully follows Leon. **
(2376) BillionSix: Fun fact: Not all necromancers are necrophiliacs. Just a small percentage. It's like priests and alter boys, giving the honest hardworking ones a bad name. Actually less than 20% of necromancers got into it for the d34d chixx0r.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Right. At least we can tell them to quit dumping cheap beer in our yard. The Home Owner's Association is pissed at us as it is."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Interesting bit o' info, Billion.)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti stares at the cat that obeys commands. "I can handle it being dead. I can handle it trying to eat scraps. But THAT is unnatural." **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti follows the cat. **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Nature's got nothing to do with it, my child."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Drugs? Telepathy?"
(2378) Leon: (Leon isn't a necrophiliac, he just likes reanimating things.)
(2378) Leon: "It's scared of me killing it you see. It doesn't really know I can't kill it again. Besides, I feed her."
(2376) BillionSix: (Yeah, Leon, but try telling that to the general public. You face a rep.)
** (2381) Sister Crossick shouts across to the newcomers "Helloooo! Welcome to the neighbourhood freinds!" **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "What she said."
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti checks for large, hairy daughters. **
(2376) BillionSix: A man comes out of the house. He is drunk, bearded and has a sloppy turban and a shirt that says Titty Inspector. He says, in an accented voice, "What do you want, infidels?"
(2376) BillionSix: It is, of course, Osama Bin Laden.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Do you have any daughters?"
(2378) Leon: "Do you have any cats, dogs, or other pets?"
(2376) Osama Bin Laden: "No! Now go away, before I command Allah to strike you down!"
(2381) Sister Crossick: whispers to Abner "If I know religions, arranged marriages might be a useful clause for you to look into"
** (2376) Osama Bin Laden takes a swig of Milwaukee's Best, belches, then goes back inside, singing Freebird. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Fine. Cordialities are out of the way. Stop dumping your trash in our yard or I'll..."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "How rude!" (Flustered)
(2378) Leon: "Who the hell is Allah?"
(2378) Leon: (That was in my best South Park voice...)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "I don't like him. Did you see that shirt? Didn't what's-her-name have one?"
(2376) BillionSix: The Sister hears "Wrath! Wrath!" in her soul, but her varnish is strong, so she is unaffected.
** (2381) Sister Crossick looks a bit shaken, but otherwise fine. Not that kind of fine. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Lol.)
(2378) Leon: (HAHAHAHA!)
(2376) BillionSix: Sister Crossick could be "fine" with the right clothes and makeup, but prefers the nun look.
(2378) Leon: "This calls for an all out offensive. Do you see any family besides him?"
** (2381) Sister Crossick feels a bit naughty. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Okay, now what?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "No daughters."
(2378) Leon: "We toss the garbage back over the fence, that's what. Gimme a hand..."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Right!"
** Leon promptly begins chucking the trash over the fence. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "And we add OUR garbage!"
** Leon makes a squinchy face at the Milwaukee's Best cans. **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti starts throwing raw chicken onto the neighbor's roof. **
(2378) Leon: "Hey, I wasn't done with that!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Oh, sorry, man."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I've heard of this 'Allah'. Sounds like a WUSS!"
(2378) Leon: "After I reanimate it, then we'll through it over."
(2378) Leon: "Wasn't Allah the patron saint of spoiled beer?"
(2376) BillionSix: A woman comes out. She has heavily sprayed blonde hair, and a floral print dress. She looks like a Stepford Wife. She calls in a thick southern accent. "Whut to y'all think you're doin'?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "No, he's a band, man. Dish-allah or something like that."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you dump trash and cheap beer in our yard, do we not revenge, man?"
(2376) BillionSix: She stares. "What are you talkin' about? All I know is I walk out and see you dumpin' your stuff. That ain't neighborly."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Nyah nyah, you started it."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Now maybe we can all just get along nicely; but I belive it was Mr Bin Laden who began this whole fuss."
(2378) Leon: "Growl at her, Abner, chicks hate that."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Some chicks hate that (wink)"
(2376) BillionSix: "I didn't start nothin', mister. And frankly, I would have asked Osama not to move here if we knew this was a Yeti neighborhood!"
(2376) BillionSix: (Uh -oh, Did Sister scratch a nail?)
(2378) Leon: "What the hell is wrong with a Yeti? He bathes all the time! Sometimes he's in the bathroom for hours, waxing his board!"
** (2381) Sister Crossick looks at my thumbnail. There is a bit of missing varnish..... **
(2376) BillionSix: The woman sneers, "Well, I don't like yetis. They shed on everything. Not like ogres. Like that nice Shrek. He stopped to give me his autograph once. A yeti wouldn'tna done that."
(2378) Leon: "Shrek? He's a walking Yeti Nair ad."
(2376) BillionSix: This woman and her husband Osama are moving into a somewhat nice house that you guys. Sister: ENVY!
** Leon chucks another beer can over the fence. "Shrek, sheesh." **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "SHREK!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAARH!! That cheezy @^%#@%#^&#!!!!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "You want hair? My back hair is half as wiry as the stuff on your upper lip."
(2376) BillionSix: Sister, you think this woman may be prettier than you. ENVY!
** (2381) Sister Crossick twitches violently **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "YOU DANG HO! YOU THINK YOU ALL THAT! WELL YOU AINT!"
(2378) Leon: (HAHAHAHA!)
(2376) BillionSix: The woman scoffs. "I'll listen to you when you get some fashion sense, missy!" (PRIDE!)
** (2381) Sister Crossick clicks fingers like a new york tranny **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "And your hubby drinks CHEAP beer!"
(2378) Leon: "Not to mention, if you don't like hairy yetis, what the hell is that dead beaver doing hanging from his face! Get a razor!"
(2378) Leon: (Heh, OBL's wife: She's Allah Dat!)
(2381) Sister Crossick: "That's right Abner my Homegirl!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "And your little dog, too! Homegirl?"
(2378) Leon: "Homegirl?"
(2378) Leon: "Is there uh, something you need to share with the group, Abner?"
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti listens to crickets chirping. **
(2381) Sister Crossick: (Just me then. Never mind)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (hahahhaha)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "No way man. I don't bat for the 'pink team', right."
(2378) Leon: "Oh, okay, good..."
(2376) BillionSix: Sister Crossick is probably enjoying this outburst, but the calm part of her mind in the back is telling her that she is on a slippery slope. :)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "This means war, Blondie. You tell Dagwood that he'll regret that cheap beer."
(2378) Leon: "He probably does already."
** (2381) Sister Crossick loses the fire in her eyes **
(2378) Leon: "Well, now what? They hate us already."
(2378) Leon: "Her hair's a lovely shade of peroxide, don't you think?"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Oh....I didn't say anything out of character did I?"
(2378) Leon: "You mean that urban stuff? No..."
(2376) BillionSix: The woman glares at you until she hears a voice from inside. "Woman! Tammy Bin Laden!" Allah commands you to bring me a beer!" The woman sighs and trudges toward the house.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Divorce him!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "These new neighbors suck, man."
(2378) Leon: "I could reanimate her hair, that's good and dead."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Make it like a skunk. Can you make it stink, too?"
(2376) BillionSix: Leon can't help but think that his mentor, the infamous Necromancer Bob, would already have Tammy Bin Laden's corpse doing maid service for him.
(2378) Leon: "It'll do that on its own."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Not in all my years have I met people so rude and inconsiderate. Even Jack the Ripper was a nice chap. For a bit."
(2376) BillionSix: (Among other services. Necromancer Bob was one of that 20%)
(2378) Leon: (Figures...)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti stares at Sister Crossick. "You knew Jack the Ripper?" **
(2376) BillionSix: True, but Necromancer Bob and his armies now rule a good chunk of the Yukon!
(2378) Leon: "Well, we'll get even somehow." Leon keeps chucking the garbage over the fence.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "We need more garbage."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Ahem. Well, lets go back inside and have a cup of tea or something." (Nervous)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Hey, when I go surfing, I'll bring home a bunch of used syringes and dead fish."
(2376) BillionSix: Sister Crossick remembers the dangerous, but very dashing Jack the Ripper. (LUST!)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Right."
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti heads inside. **
(2378) Leon: "OoooOOOOoooh! I'll get the emergency garbage stash from the other side of the house.
** Leon dashes to the other side of the house. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "She hates yeti hair, huh? Well I needed a haircut anyway." Abner smiles showing yellow fangs.
(2376) BillionSix: As you enter the house, you see a young woman casually lounging in one of your chairs.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I could gather homeless peoples' empty booze bottles.....oh it seems Leon has thought of something better. And closer."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Is she hairy?)
(2376) BillionSix: No, not really.
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti frowns. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Hey, who forgot to lock the door again?"
(2378) Leon: "Whaddya mean? We were just right here."
(2376) BillionSix: Basically, imagine Jennifer Love Hewitt, but with a look of sadistic cruelty in her eyes. "Sorry to enter univited, but I've recently purchased many houses in this area. Including this one. I'm your new landlord."
** Leon grabs up a huge armfull of the emergency garbage stash. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Look at what wandered in. When it was just a cat, I didn't mind."
** Leon hucks the armload over the fence. "Take that, you wart riddled washed up shave needing idiot! And your husband needs a shave, too!" **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Bummer, man."
** Leon , satisfied, walks back into the house. "I guess I told her." **
** (2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin looks at Leon. "Are these your cats?" **
(2378) Leon: "Errr, yeah. Why, like 'em?"
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "Normally, I wouldn't allow pets. But these appeal to me. Tell me, do they still feel pain?"
(2378) Leon: "Not really."
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "Hm. Pity. Well, I just thought I'd come around and introduce myself to my tenants. Having trouble with the neighbors?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Would you like to buy the house next door to us and kick out our neighbors?"
(2381) Sister Crossick: (and grow a LOT of hair?)
(2378) Leon: "Yeah, some silly buttnugget next door. I don't suppose you own that house, too?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "They drink CHEAP beer. And they throw trash in our yard."
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "Ah, the Bin Ladens. No, I have all the houses I need. I'm trying to own property in certain patterns, you see. It makes certain dark rituals easier."
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "Buying their house would throw off my calculations."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Dark rituals. She's your type, man," whispers Abner to Leon.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Are you *entirely* sure?" (pleadingly)
(2378) Leon: "Yeah! Wonder if her skeleton would dance!" Leon whispers back to Abner.
(2376) BillionSix: "Quite sure. Anyway, your rent will stay the same. Though I may give you cuts in your rent if you do favors for me. I could use a necromancer now and then."
(2378) Leon: "Oh good. Should I start on Ms. Peroxide Bin Laden?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Whatever, man."
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "She is of no concern to me. Do what you like with her."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Oh how useful! Errm, I mean pleasant! How pleasant"
(2378) Leon: "Well, okay then. We'll take care of that problem pretty quick."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Hey, are you in charge of the Home Owner's Association now?"
(2378) Leon: "Yeah! I think a raccoon's gotten into the emergency garbage."
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: "No. That's an independant organization of neighborhood homeowners. I am allowed to attend meetings."
(2378) Leon: "They have meetings? I wonder if they bring pets?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "I hate those guys. I mean, have one premature molt and everyone screams about lowered property values."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "And it's not my fault that the monkeynauts trashed the swingset in the neighborhood park."
(2378) Leon: "That reminds me: Do you think Tammy Faye Bin Laden has a dustbuster we can have? I mean borrow?"
** (2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin strokes the cat. "Perhaps I should have taken up necromancy. The idea of an army of zombie slaves appeals to me." **
(2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin: She smiles, coldly. "But no. I would rather have living slaves."
** Leon grumbles. **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "So Mrs Evil Hewitt, is there anything we can do for you now?"
** (2376) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin considers. "No. Not today. And I have other houses to visit. You will see me later. Feel fortunate. When I rule the world and reduce humanity to my helpless slaves, you can tell people you knew me." **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Well, thanks." Puzzled
(2378) Leon: "Yeah, that should be a real icebreaker at the PTA meeting."
(2376) BillionSix: She leaves, walking out the door and into the back of a limosine you hadn't noticed before.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Huh. Weird day."
(2378) Leon: "Dude, she's so evil, I think she's the real Jennifer Love Hewitt!"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "So folks, what shall we do about the Bin Ladens?"
(2378) Leon: "Offensive strike. More garbage, then Abner here bonks Ms. Day-Glo boots on the head. I reanimater her, and make her poison Osama's beer. It's so cheap, he'd never notice."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "I could start a garage band and practice at 3 AM."
(2378) Leon: (s/reanimater/reanimate/)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "If we got you out of those sensible shoes and into stiletto heels, you could be the lead singer, sister."
(2378) Leon: "Mind you don't spear the cats with the heels."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "We could have a bake sale every day for the next 9 years to raise enough money, then ask them nicely to leave for a modest sum."
(2376) BillionSix: Sister; you have a mental image of yourself looking sexy in front of a room of adoring fans. (PRIDE)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Uh, I can't bake."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "I can throw garbage."
(2378) Leon: I can, meat pies. They wriggle a bit, but they're tasty!"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Ooh, I dont know about this new fangled rock and roll music....."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Can you make those little cocktail weenies? Those are awesome."
(2378) Leon: "Wanna borrow my Pink Floyd CDs?"
(2378) Leon: "Yeah, I can get those. But they bite."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yeah, we'll be a fusion of...Pink Floyd, Limp Bizkit, and Yanni. We'll call ourselves Garbage Fence."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I suppose I could have a bit of a jam with you. As long as I get to be on computer laying down beats like a crazy sucka."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "We invite them to our first concert. I stage-dive on them and impale Cheap Beer Dude with my Longboard of Death."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yaaar!" Abner beats his chest.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I'll just wire up my gear then!"
(2378) Leon: "Nifty! Course, I can't play an instrument."
(2376) BillionSix: (Hmm. I suppose someone with lucky shots could invoke an Eye of the Tiger montage to get the band and concert ready.)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (err. not me!)
(2378) Leon: (Yikes!)
** Leon starts digging out his CDs. **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti dreams of being a rock star. **
** Leon finds an "Air Supply" CD. "Yecch! How'd that get in there?" **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Man, that's some heavy stuff."
** Leon tosses it in the pile with the "William Shatner" CD. **
(2376) BillionSix: Are you going to do a training montage? You can do it without spending shots, but you won't get any bonuses. :)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Have you heard Nirvana? You don't need to know how to play an instrument."
(2381) Sister Crossick: (training montage for me)
(2378) Leon: "Oh, yeah, that's right! Now what instrument for me..."
(2378) Leon: (Yeah, training montage it is...)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (This is a silly game, go for silly instruments.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Inner tube bagpipes for me."
** Leon throws "Tesla 5 Man Acoustical Jam" on the Shatner pile. **
(2376) BillionSix: It will cost two lucky shots, and will give you all an extra die for every roll during the crucial final scene. Or you can focus, and give one character two dice on all rolls. :)
** (2381) Sister Crossick taps away industriously on the laptop, with various equipment around her. **
(2378) Leon: "That's my ammo pile, when we see dinky brain, we throw these at her."
(2376) BillionSix: (I rather liked that albums)
(2376) BillionSix: (The Tesla one, I mean.)
(2378) Leon: (Bleh!)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti adds his entire Sarah Brightman collection. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Take that, Bin Laden."
(2378) Leon: "Now for an instrument, how about a xylophone? I've got a lot of bones, you know."
** Leon starts assembling an undead xylophone. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Oh, yeah bonedaddy."
(2381) Sister Crossick: (classy!)
(2378) Leon: "I'm getting the Jack Skellington vibe."
(2376) BillionSix: If you are doing the montage, you can start describing scenes in the montage, showing what you all do to get ready. :)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti refits his Squishy Bearz Personal Flotation Device with a kazoo. **
(2378) Leon: (HAHAHAHA! Mother of God that's funny!)
** Leon picks festering meat off of the bones as he assembles them into a xylophone. Strangely, there's a power cord and a whoopee cushion attached. **
** (2381) Sister Crossick listens on headphones, foot tapping along. She suddenly frowns at a bad sample and pushes all of her gear over. She starts crying. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: Montage: Abner dyes his head hair blue and jams in slo-mo on his inner tube bagpipes. The sounds peel paint, cause babies to cry, and dogs to howl uncontrollably.
(2378) Leon: "What, you found a Milli Vanilli track?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Squishy Bearz ROCK, man!"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Damn them! Damn them to HELL!"
(2378) Leon: "'Leonard Nimoy Sings the Hobbit Song?' That's going on the Shatner pile."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Whoa, easy sister. That's some heavy karma you're dropping on them."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Wait! Throw me that hobbit song! I'll get some killer 'Bilbo' samples from it!"
** Leon shudders. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: So we work on a few songs--Dingleberry Blues, That Wasn't Chicken, I Love My Bike (Seat), and Holy Rock and Roller.
(2378) Leon: (Sounds like a 'They Might Be Giants' album.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Heh, you're right.)
** (2381) Sister Crossick goes down to the nearest record shop and picks up some 'slamming' vinyl. **
(2376) BillionSix: hehe. Is That Wasn't Chicken after that pic I posted that time?
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Yep. I thought that was hilarious.)
(2378) Leon: (Meanwhile, Sister Crossick comes back with Slayer, Corrosion of Conformity, and Pantera.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Slammin' meaning what? Parliament of Funk, Foghat, the Kingston Trio, and Seals and Croft?)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (And Ringo Starr and His All-Starr Band.)
** Leon shudders again. **
(2381) Sister Crossick: (Slamming as in hip, cool, sweet, wicked....dude!)
(2376) BillionSix: You find a small club that is doing an open mike thing for fresh local bands.
(2378) Leon: "Hey, wanna give this a shot?"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "I think our creative work is in need of some ears to hear it."
(2378) Leon: "Or some bottles to throw at it. Either way, we should try."
** Leon drags the undead xylophone with him. **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti readies his inner tube bagpipes. **
** Leon walks into the club like Clint Eastwood walking into a saloon. **
** (2381) Sister Crossick does whatever you do with electronic stuff. **
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti hears the roar of the crowd, but isn't sure if it's cheering or booing. He practices a Billy Idol sneer. **
** (2381) Sister Crossick mumbles a few prayers **
(2378) Leon: "Abner, you go and negotiate with the MC, I gotta go get a surprise. Watch my xylophone, too."
** (2381) Sister Crossick starts talking to the lead singer of another act; 'Isn't it past your bedtime young man?' **
(2378) Leon: Necromancy: (Level 3, Double Pumped) [3d6] -> [3,6,2] = (11)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti goes up to the MC and gets a good slot. If he doesn't, he shows his fangs. **
** (2381) Sister Crossick carries on talking to Mr singer man 'I should hope your mother knows where you are!' **
(2376) BillionSix: There aren't many bands. There are three, and you get the middle slot. :)
** Leon returns, and hangs around his xylophone. "Yeah, ladies, wassup?" **
(2376) BillionSix: Make a Nun roll against Surly College-Age Band Member (2)
(2381) Sister Crossick: Benevolent Nunnery: (4d6)
(2381) Sister Crossick: Benevolent Nunnery: [4d6] -> [3,2,2,5] = (12)
(2376) BillionSix: Surly College-Age Band Member (2) [2d6] -> [2,1] = (3)
** (2381) Sister Crossick spanks his butt and send him home **
(2376) BillionSix: He gets all nervous and upset. He loses a die, but angrily carries on. "Who do you think you are, Mother Inferior!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yar! Feel the burn, punk."
(2376) BillionSix: Combat, bay-bee! Nun vs. Band Dork!
(2376) BillionSix: Round 2!
(2376) BillionSix: Roll it! Band Guy [1d6] -> [1] = (1)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (Do I have to bother?)
(2381) Sister Crossick: Benevolent Nunnery: [4d6] -> [6,3,1,3] = (13)
(2376) BillionSix: As the victor, you get the spoils. Which means, you get to decide what happens to the loser.
(2376) BillionSix: Now that he has been reduced to Surly College-Aged Band Member (0)
(2381) Sister Crossick: The band dork sniffles a bit, a tear forms in his eye. Then he erupts into tears, to the derision of his friends. He runs out of the stage door into the cold night air.
(2376) BillionSix: Woo! Go nun! :D
(2381) Sister Crossick: (heeheehee)
(2376) BillionSix: You have all been bumped up to first slot.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Which answers the question; how many people mess with Sister Crossick........"
(2378) Leon: "Ha! Whiner!"
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Nun!"
(2376) BillionSix: The other remaining band is a more gothy type band. The lead singer is a thin pale beautiful goth woman named Cherri Cherokee. She is quite fetching in her corset and thigh high boots.
(2381) Sister Crossick: (Nudge nudge Leon)
(2378) Leon: "Hiya, chickie! You wanna check out my bones?"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Bwahahahaa! I love the name.)
(2376) BillionSix: (Thought you would.)
** Leon indicates the xylophone. **
(2376) BillionSix: Are you actually attempting to seduce her? If so, what clich are you using? :)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Hey Sister, check it out. 'Dead love.'"
(2378) Leon: (Necromancy, Goth chicks dig undead stuff.)
(2378) Leon: "Hey, I know Jerry Garcia. He wears black leather and white makeup now, too."
(2378) Leon: "This is his armbone. He let me borrow it for the night," he says, pointing to one of the xylophone bones.
(2376) BillionSix: Hmm. This will be a tough match. Necromancer (4) vs. Sneering Goth Chick Who Is Clearly Out Of Your League (4)
(2376) BillionSix: DING! Round 1!
(2378) Leon: [3d6] -> [2,4,1] = (7) "You know, I could show you some cool undead cats. They don't shed!"
(2376) BillionSix: (It's only 3? Oops.)
(2376) BillionSix: SNGCWICOOYL [4d6] -> [1,3,6,5] = (15)
(2378) Leon: (Not much chance for the Undead Tango, then.)
(2376) BillionSix: Ouch. You lose a die in Necromancer as your faith is shaken.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Hear that? That's the sound of an ego dying."
(2376) BillionSix: She wins this round by basically doing nothing. She looks through you, and turns away.
(2378) Leon: [2d6] -> [2,1] = (3) "You know, my old Necromany teacher raised Keith Richards."
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Leon! I was a Ex-Party Girl Hedonist before I went into Nunnery! I could give you some pointers on what she likes?"
(2376) BillionSix: Before we do round 2, maybe you should consider pumping. :p
(2378) Leon: (Won't that cut dice from later?)
(2376) BillionSix: Yes. Yes it will. But remember that double pumping, lets you get two for one. You could roll 2d6, pump one of the dice, and actually get 4 dice to roll. :)
(2376) BillionSix: Or you might try a different skill and go for the Inappropriate Clich bonus. :)
(2378) Leon: (I'll take option A...)
(2376) BillionSix: Wait! I forgot! Since you Eye of the Tigered, you get an extra die on all rolls this scene! :D
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: Seeing no big, hairy chicks, Abner tunes his bag.
(2378) Leon: [4d6] -> [4,5,5,1] = (15) "You know, this xylophone is electric. It's a dark, moody sound."
(2376) BillionSix: That's double-pumped with one die?
(2378) Leon: (Yep.)
(2376) BillionSix: Sneering Goth Chick [4d6] -> [1,4,2,4] = (11)
(2376) BillionSix: She is now a sneering goth chick (3)
(2378) Leon: (Now I only have 1 die left, and the bonue die from EOTT, right?)
(2376) Cherri Cherokee: ".... really. You don't say."
(2376) Cherri Cherokee: Yep. :)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti accidentally blows out a speaker as he hits a high note. **
(2376) BillionSix: I would consider changing clichs. If you lose this one, you lose.
(2378) Leon: (Cooking) [2d6] -> [6,4] = (10) "Yep. And I cook a mean barbecue sauce to go with the xylophone construction leftovers."
(2378) Leon: (Does that cliche have a bonus from EOTT too?)
(2376) BillionSix: Yep. Roll a 1d6 and add it to the last total.
(2378) Leon: [1d6] -> [2] = (2)
(2376) BillionSix: Hmm. Would everyone call that an inappropriate clich in a seduction? Show of hands everyone!
(2381) Sister Crossick: cooking coul win a girls heart iguess
(2381) Sister Crossick: (that was surprisingly illiterate of me. sorry)
(2376) BillionSix: You roll well enough, that you actually whip out some barbeque chicken wings to offer her. :)
(2378) Leon: (HA! That ain't chicken...)
(2376) BillionSix: Goth Chick [3d6] -> [2,5,6] = (13)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (The wings don't fly.)
(2376) BillionSix: She sneers. "I'm a vegetarian" Lose a cooking die.
(2378) Leon: (Maybe I'll try again after the set...)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (all goths are veggies! whoops.)
(2376) BillionSix: Abort! Abort! :)
(2378) Leon: "Looks like we're on next. See you later, chickie!"
** Leon drags his xylophone up onto the stage. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Ready? We're on, man."
(2376) BillionSix: The place is starting to get crowded. It's time for your set. Did you invite the Bin Ladens? Or is this a practice set?
(2378) Leon: (Practice...)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Depends on how long you intend to GM this game.) :)
** (2381) Sister Crossick sets up on stage, ignoring the shouts of 'Show us some skin, sister!' **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "You want skin? You gotta PAY for it, sinner."
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Uh, what's our name, anyway?"
** Leon plinks a couple of times on the xylophone before plugging it in. A dull hum emanates from the now active xylophone. **
(2376) BillionSix: (You never really said.)
(2378) Leon: (The Crunchy Giblets? Undead Surfers? Sistahs with Attitude?)
(2378) Leon: (Oooh! Undead Surfers for Jesus!)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (Wasn't it Garbage Fence)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (I like Undead Surfers for Jesus, personally. Lol.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Although Garbage Fence is more appropriate to the adventure.)
(2381) Sister Crossick: Plus U.S.J sounds cool
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: USJ it is.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: Actually, US4J.
(2378) Leon: (Yeah, but this could be a rent paying venture. Speaking of which, Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin is so evil, you'd think it really was Jennifer Love Hewitt!)
** Leon taps a few of the xylophone bones. A low, wailing undead sound resonates through the club. **
(2376) BillionSix: (If you guys take over GMing at any point. feel free to use my Recurring Bit Players, like the Bin Ladens or Jennifer Love Hewitt's Evil Twin. Assuming the Bin Ladens survive, that is.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Right. Okay, freaks. We're the Undead Surfers for Jesus. Listen up and try to control all lewd urges until after the show."
(2378) Leon: (HA!)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: We launch into a song--I Love My Bike (Seat).
(2376) BillionSix: Sister Crossick has discovered that someone spilled their beer on hand earlier. It seemed like nothing at the time, but it dissolved some varnish.
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti 's inner tube bagpipes wail like a banshee in a kazoo factory. **
** Leon jams on the xylophone, occasionally hitting the whoopee cushion for a foghorn like sound, like God's own flatulence. **
(2376) BillionSix: Okay, here's how it is. Combat! You form a player character team! Someone is team leader. This is the one with the highest appropriate clich.
(2376) BillionSix: You will be fighting against Tough Crowd (3)
(2381) Sister Crossick: I have Ex Party Girl (3) or Drum and bass fan (1)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (My cliches have absolutely nothing to do with music.)
(2378) Leon: (How about Sister Crossick with 4d?)
(2376) BillionSix: Ex Party Girl seems right. :)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (The closest thing Abner has is Abominably Cute Snowman (2).)
** (2381) Sister Crossick triggers off some samples, steps up to an empty mic and begins beatboxing. **
(2376) BillionSix: (Rich has to leave soon. It's almost 5am there.
** Leon is joined onstage by two undead cheerleaders, dancing with the music. Only occasionally do pieces fall off. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Okay. Sorry Rich. We're slow.)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (It's to be expected from a yeti!)
** (2376) Cherri Cherokee noticed the zombie cheerleaders and is impressed. You haven't won her over, but if you try again after the show, you will be considered fully healed. **
** (2381) Sister Crossick begins feeling full of pride. she rips her habit and jumps around the stage like a nun possessed. Which she clearly is. **
(2376) BillionSix: Everyone roll a clich, for round one. Pick a good clich.
(2378) Leon: As we finish I Love My Bicycle (Seat) (It's a lovely song about a girl blossoming into womanhood, punctuated by God's Own Flatulence Whoopee Cushion) Leon does a stage dive.
(2378) Leon: (Necromancy okay?)
(2376) BillionSix: Necromancy sounds good. How are you using it?
(2378) Leon: (Playing the xylophone is tickling the undead bones, making them wail and moan.)
(2376) BillionSix: The sister. I assume is using Ex Party Girl.
(2376) BillionSix: What is Abner using?
(2381) Sister Crossick: (I use Ex-Party Girl hedonist to entertain the crowd.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: So-Hairy-He-Scares Sharks Tsunami Surfer (3). Abner is scaring the vampire wannabees.
(2376) BillionSix: Nice!
(2376) BillionSix: Well, since you are all at three dice, you get to decide who is leader. (My suggestion is Leon, since he can double pump.)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: Snarls, crotch-grabbing, the works.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: Definitely.
(2378) Leon: (Wail, wail, moan, wail, groan, HONK!) [3d6] -> [3,2,2] = (7)
(2381) Sister Crossick: go for it
(2378) Leon: (Dang! That roll sucked...)
(2376) BillionSix: Everyone rolls. The Leaders dice all count. The other people's dice only count on sixes, to supplement.
(2381) Sister Crossick: Ex-Party Girl Hedonist: [3d6] -> [1,5,1] = (7)
(2381) Sister Crossick: nuts
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: [3d6] -> [5,6,1] = (12) Inspire Yeti shakes.
(2376) BillionSix: That's 8 + 1 including Tiger Dice for a total of 9. Tough crowd: [3d6] -> [3,3,1] = (7)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (One six.)
(2376) BillionSix: You win this round. The crowd is going! Round two! Roll it!
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: [3d6] -> [6,4,6] = (16) Make the sissy-vamps cry.
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: (Oooh, two sixes.)
(2376) BillionSix: Two sixes! :D
** Leon breaks into That Wasn't Chicken, a song about a rooster's misguided romance. [3d6] -> [6,2,6] = (14) **
(2376) BillionSix: Tough crowd [2d6] -> [4,1] = (5)
(2381) Sister Crossick: Ex-Party Girl Hedonist: [3d6] -> [6,4,6] = (16)
(2378) Leon: (Would you believe six sixes? I sense evil...)
(2376) BillionSix: 18 vs. 5. Hmm. I will say don't even bother with round three. These people are rocking.
(2376) BillionSix: Wait. That's 19 vs.5 with the Tiger bonus. :)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (ahhh yeah)
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: We bring the house down with our third number.
(2376) BillionSix: The set ends. And the crowd is given a chance to wind down. :)
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti blows two more speakers with his final inner tube "aria." **
** Leon is jazzed about playing onstage. "We rocked the house!" **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Go hit on the gloom cookie again."
** (2381) Sister Crossick avoids a thrown jockstrap **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Whew!"
(2376) BillionSix: Sister notices lots of hot guys in the crowd, and a couple of hot women! LUST!
** Leon fires off one last 'God's Own Flatulence' honk from the electrified whoopee cushion. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yeah! Tell your friends. Undead Surfers for Jesus. You have seen the light, and it is GOOD!"
(2378) Leon: (HAHAHAHAHA!)
** (2381) Sister Crossick feels Diiiiirrrrrttyyyyyy...... **
(2376) BillionSix: If Rich wants to leave, we can assume that Sister gave into temptation with half a dozen clubgoers and left. :)
** Leon throws xylophone sticks to the crowd like a deranged undead drummer. **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Man, maybe we'll get groupies."
(2376) BillionSix: The manager asks Leon to get his cheerleaders off the stage, where they are still mindlessly swaying.
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Here's hoping! I mean....what a dreadful thing to say Abner! Shame on you!"
(2378) Leon: "Hey, chickies! Come dance down here!"
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yeah, and I need to practice stage dives."
** (2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti feels shame for about half a second. **
(2378) Leon: "I think you might give stage diving a miss, Abner."
(2376) BillionSix: The cheerleaders obediently walk off the stage toward their zombie master, and resume swaying on either side of him,
** Leon looks at the other band, "Follow THAT!" **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "What about the Bin Ladens? That's the point, man."
** (2381) Sister Crossick flips the other band the finger **
(2381) Sister Crossick: "Oh I'm so sorry my dears!"
(2378) Leon: "Yeah, we'll practice tomorrow night, while they try to sleep."
(2376) Cherri Cherokee: "Was that your plan for me? Was my corpse to be swaying next to you at your next show?"
(2378) Leon: "Well, no. But if you're offering..."
** (2376) Cherri Cherokee sneers, "You wish" but as a goth chick, you can tell she is a little intruiged at the idea of being undead. Not quite enough to offer her life to you, but still. :) **
(2383) Abner the Surfing Yeti: "Yeah, now I need to get some hairspray. These lights are making it go all frizzy." Abner walks off to find some Aqua Net.
(2378) Leon: (We'll see about her later...)
(2376) Cherri Cherokee: Let me know if you want to resume combat. :)
(2381) Sister Crossick: (what a line!)
(2378) Leon: (Nah, I'll live in this victory for a while.)
(2376) Cherri Cherokee: Want to let it end for tonight? This seems like a good place.
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